The Least Slutty Woman

Me and Tommy Flanagan

Me and Tommy Flanagan

Least Slutty Woman

Technically, I didn’t stay around to accept the award for Least Slutty Woman at the Easy Rider Motorcycle Show at the Sacramento Convention Center on 1/17. In fact, there might not have been such an award, but I would have been a lock for it, since I wore neither high spiked heels, black ripped shirt or lace see-through shirt; no spangles or sequins. Or fishnet stockings. No tattoos. And although I am well endowed, I didn’t have them on display, if you know what I mean.

You might ask why I would go to such an event. Is it the boyfriend influence? Actually, it was all my idea, since my favorite actor from Sons of Anarchy was there to sign autographs. Yes, Tommy Flanagan, aka “Chibs” to those of you who watch the show. I suggested that Dain should drive, since I calculated a 62% chance I would run off with Tommy. But, Dain had confidence and insisted I drive, and he indeed beat the odds by coming home with me. 🙂

Tommy and I didn’t exactly share a moment or anything. He had his hat and sunglasses on and I would wager money he kept himself happily intoxicated to get through the meet and greet. He kept it moving, though, which I appreciated, since by the time we got there and got in line, we were behind the cut off point where they guaranteed you would get your photo. But, the line moved quickly and we got included. (Note – you don’t see Dain in the picture as he didn’t want to make Tommy look short.)

While we were in line, we could enjoy the dance stylings of the Purrfect Angelz, a strip-show-esq group of dancers who had apparently been on America’s Got Talent. Think Pussycat Dolls without the singing. These girls wore tshirts over fishnets and chaps, they did a lot of ass shaking to Bon Jovi song after Bon Jovi song.

Various tricked-out motorcycles were on display so you could vote for your favorite. My favorite is the one with a wheelchair platform, as the owner was in a wheelchair. Oh, also, it had a pole for the girlfriend

The crowd was, as you would expect, mostly men wearing black leather. Lots of cuts, lots of patches, even some real-life nomads. If you don’t know what all that means, watch Sons of Anarchy. If you need suggestive rhinestone underwear, skanky wife-beater shirts, or leather bags for your Harley, this was the place. I steered clear of some of the vendors, like the Hell’s Angels. They had not one but two booths (for Sacramento and San Jose charters) and were super-organized with bins for every size shirt, etc. They’ve been around so long they’ve learned a few things from the man, apparently. Nearby were some Bikers for Christ (I don’t remember their actual name but there were several such groups) and then Bikers of Lesser Tolerance (BOLT). They weren’t Neo Nazis or anything, just intolerant of the government making them wear helmets. Fighting for the freedom to smash their heads into the pavement at high speed!!

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3 responses to “The Least Slutty Woman

  1. Wow, what an event! Love your humor!

  2. So, so much Bon Jovi

  3. Hey, Elaine: Sounds like you are out there having fun! I enjoy your writing style.

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